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[ Watch The Birdie II, Revenge Of The Feathery Thing (Page 6) ] Week 6 – St. Louis Rams (4-0) @ Arizona Cardinals (4-1)
Strengths
Weaknesses
Game Plan On offence, their pass-rush is weakened and their secondary, while not in the same league as Atlanta's last week, is still about as watertight as a pair of fishnet stockings. So we'll be using the threat of our deep game to open up space for Marcel Shipp to grind the clock and keep Mikey Martz' Flying Circus off the field. "Which worked soooooo well last time, didn't it?" What the hell are you doing back? "Just passing though. Sorry, don't let me spoil the tactical masterclass you've got going here..." SachinfrachinrachinMysteryBloke... - Prior to the trading deadline, I have a sudden rush of blood to the head and stick our 4th receiver, Bryan Gilmore (OVR 75), on the trade-block. On the one hand, Gilmore has been effective for us last year and this, and he's the fastest wideout on the books. On the other hand, with Shaun McDonald's progress and promotion to the slot rôle, Gilmore isn't likely ever to grow above his current ability level and is really being paid too much for someone who sits 4th on the depth-chart. And yes, I realise he's being paid too much because I signed him to a contract extension in the off-season. Just shut up. The most attractive nibble comes from the 0-4 Lions, whose rookie stud receiver Jeremy Sharper will be out for at least another month and a half with a fractured foot. They offer us their 3rd round draft pick in exchange for Gilmore and rookie ROLB Joe "Steppin' Out" Jackson (OVR 65). The deal is done, 3rd year man Jason McAddly is promoted to 4th wideout and Justin McCareins (OVR 70, 4th year, 3 year deal/$2.5 million) is signed to fill the last roster spot. That'll do. - So, here we are, then. The first big test of the season, other than that one in Week 1 where we got beat. So, the second big test then, in many ways. We're back at home after three weeks away, at least, and Sun Devil Stadium is as full as I can remember seeing it. There must be thirty - no, forty - screaming fans packed into the stands, all of them there to see if we've got what it takes to turn over St. Louis and go top of our division for the first time since the Napoleonic Wars. I'm guessing I already know the answer, but, you know. Infinite universe, infinite possibilities, that sort of thing. We win the toss, and elect to kick to the Rams, like the idiots we are. To my considerable surprise, St. Louis can't move it thanks in part to sophomore WR Kevin Curtis deciding to run his hook pattern 3 yards shy of the 1st-down marker. It's puntaroonie time, and following a decent return Blake hits his two wideouts with crisp passes, then finds Marcel Shipp drifting out of the backfield. The halfback turns on a burst of speed, or "speed" in his case, and tightrope-walks down the sideline for 14 yards to the endzone. Well, that was easy. STL 0-7 ARI And, of course, that's just pulling the tiger's tail. Their offence brushes us aside like a net curtain, mixing things up before Isaac Bruce gets behind our safeties on a deep post, Bulger finds him - of course he bloody does, wouldn't hurt him to miss a bloody target once in a while, would it? - and Tay Cody can't make up the ground. Nads. STL 7-7 ARI We've been looking to use screen and swing-passes to Shipp more often lately - just because it's always fun watching skinny little defensive backs try to tackle him, to be honest - but the Rams have obviously been watching film, because the first time we try to play the screen it gets busted wide open. Seeing two St. Louis defenders lurking around Marcel, Jeff Blake shows the sort of decision-making that's gotten him where he is today as he spins on his heel and puts up a long, hopeful bomb in the direction of Bryant Johnson and the gang of close friends he has in attendance. Luckily, this is Bryant Johnson, the Bryant Johnson, the man who comes to work with the big red S on his chest, and he fishes Blake's fat out of the fire by going up - waaaay up - and plucking the ball out of the air, at which point he's hit by every Ram within a five-mile radius.
Down he comes... and out comes the ball. Christ! There's a huge pile-on, and somewhere near the bottom a Ram gets his hands on it. Christ! Naturally, I launch the red hanky, and the ref ambles off, sticks his head under a blanket and returns a few minutes later to confirm what the replay's just told us - Johnno's elbow was down long before the ball popped out. Phew. 23-yard gain, 1st down at the Ram 36. As we come to the line, it's obvious St. Louis think they've diagnosed the play, overloading the weakside. As the ball's snapped, it's obvious they're horribly wrong. Marcel takes the handoff heading outside the strongside tackle, and suddenly he's got a convoy around him. James Hodgins annihilates the cornerback, freeing up Anquan Boldin to come off the edge and seal the free safety inside. Freddie Jones gets his head on the strong safety and suddenly there's no-one left between Shipp and the endzone - 36 yards untouched, and the camera cuts to pictures of Mike Martz looking worried. Heh. End of 1. STL 7-14 ARI Typical bloody Rams. We hold them for two downs, but on 3rd and long, despite having seven d-backs on the field we somehow manage to completely lose track of Marshall Faulk, of all bloody people, and it's only 51 yards later that it dawns on our secondary that, y'know, it might be a good idea to tackle him and stuff. St. Louis can't take advantage of a 1st down at our 15, though, and Jeff Wilkins comes in to hit the trey. STL 10-14 ARI We can't do anything with our next possession, and a good punt return sticks the Rams at their own 45. 3rd and 5, and they try to throw us a curveball by handing off to Faulk on a counter-weak, but LB Levar Fisher comes flying around the corner, outrunning the pulling guard to knife in and crunch Faulk right on the gain-line...
The ball squirts out and safety Dexter Jackson is the most alert, scooping it up on the run and racing back 46 yards to delirious acclaim from the crowd, increasing our lead to two scores. It's not all peaches-and-cream, though, as Levar Fisher comes off the field in obvious discomfort, clutching at his upper arm. The docs diagnose a strained bicep and Fisher's done for the day, DolFan's best mate Gerald Hayes taking his place in the starting lineup. STL 10-21 ARI An eleven-point lead is nothing when you're playing the Rams, though, this we know, and they give notice that they're not ready to give up on this game just yet by marching straight downfield, Marshall Faulk making up in part for his slippery fingers by slithering over from 4 yards out. Damn. STL 17-21 ARI Five minutes left in the half is plenty of time for us to exchange scores, as it turns out. The Rams spend a drive overstacking the line of scrimmage, so we go to the air neatly and efficiently all the way down the field 'till they finally get a sack on Blake in the shadow of their own goalposts, Whatshisname coming in to hit the short field-goal and restore our touchdown advantage - for about two minutes. Bulger hits Issac Bruce, Bruce again, then tight-end Brandon Manumana-mana-doo-doo-de-doo-doo, Mana-mana-doo-doo-doo-doo over the middle, the fat lad breaks a tackle from No-Mark and is gone, veeeerrry, veeeeeeeerry slowly all the way to the endzone. Muppets. Half-time, then, and after two quarters with more ups and downs than a couple of kangaroos on honeymoon, it's all square - STL 24-24 ARI - A shootout? Between us and the Rams? Who woulda thunk it? Mike Martz has plainly come into this game absolutely determined to stop our running game, no matter what the cost, and trying to force us to beat him through the air. With our, you know, number 1 rated passing attack in the NFL. Hmmm. I think I might be able to see the teeny, tiny flaw in this otherwise damned-fine plan. Six plays, six completions, six receivers, 70 yards - Shipp, Boldin, McDonald, Jones, Minor and finally who else but Bryant Johnson, 9 yards, STL 24-31 ARI This writeup brought to you in association with the phrase "Back Come The Rams, Though". Martz shows more patience than is his usual wont, nickeling and diming us all the way up the field, but on 3rd and 5 rookie end Larry Dickerson runs right over his blocker and lumbers toward the quarterback. Bulger sees him coming and has a Marc Bulger moment, putting up a long-bomb without really looking to see what the coverage is like downfield. It's a 4-deep zone, as it turns out. Marshall Faulk is the theoretical target, but in practice Dexter Jackson, in the midst of probably his best game as a Cardinal, gets about half an hour to watch the ball right into his hands. Jackson brings the return 40 yards back inside the St. Louis 30, and only Faulk's determined chase stops the free-safety picking up his second return TD on the day. We can't capitalise on the excellent field-position, though, and it's up to Whatshisname Gramatica to nail a figgie and stretch our lead back to 2 scores. End of the 3rd quarter. STL 24-34 ARI St. Louis have to punt and we gain a bit of daylight with a decent drive that knocks some time off the clock and results in Whatshisname's third FG of the day. Back Come The Rams, Though™ after an exchange of interceptions Bulger goes on one of his crusades, hitting everything and anything that's even halfway open, and a load of things that aren't. In no time at all they're knocking on the door, and in only a tiny amount of time at all, they've kicked the sodding thing down - Isaac bloody Bruce, who else, getting some space at the back of the endzone and making the simple reception to make this much more nail-bitey than it should have been - three minutes to play, STL 31-37 ARI Never mind, not to worry, all we really need to do is play a bit of ball-control, nab a couple of first downs and run the clock out. First down, Shipp straight ahead, two yards. Second down, Shipp straight ahead, three yards. Third down... hmm. Two minutes left on the clock, the Rams with all three timeouts. Too much time just to plunge into their line, grind the clock and kick away, methinks. Just a nice, safe, high-percentage pass, then, that's what we want, and let's just make sure we don't... Jeff? Jeff, what are you doing, man? No, no don't throw the slant, it's a Cover-2, there's a cornerback lurking in the underneath zone... Jeff? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 64-yard TD pass to cornerback DeJuan Groce. Suddenly Martz looks like a genius for putting the game in Jeff Blake's hands to win or lose, and suddenly it's all gone very quiet in Sun Devil Stadium. We have one last chance to get back into the game, but the Hail Mary in Anquan Boldin's vague direction is batted down and once again we've wrung spectacular defeat from the jaws of victory. STL 38-37 ARI, we move back to 4-2, effectively three games back on the Rams who, of course, now hold the tie-breaker over us. Un-be-fricking-lievable. [
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